Vampires Nowhere

A couple of days ago Professor Bunkum posted a rather encouraging piece on the state of local metal.  You guys responded positively, and it even made me feel good for a few days.  But all his talk of the dark ages of hair metal reminded of an email I received from a reader a few weeks back who forwarded me this MySpace message:

hey there beautiful one! this is zak night from Vampires Everywhere!  ;) i love your image, i think we would get along. i have a feeling you would like the sound of my band.  just so you know our friends at  Shockhound.com  have 3 vampires everywhere songs for sale. (including the bonus track) if you like bands like Aiden, atreyu,  kill hannah, escape the fate or even cobra starship, definitely check this out: thank you, im a real person and i think you look cool ;)

much evil love,  VE!

P.S. the CD's will also be available in all 685 hot topic stores in the US so check it out ;)

As a bad ass, hard-hitting member of the City of Devils community, our faithful reader naturally found this juvenile bullshit to be nauseating.  I, on the other hand, was totally amused but then made the mistake of trying to learn more about Mr. Night and his cohorts.  I should have stopped as soon as I saw the the monikers of the rest of the band:  Michael Vampire (vocals), Aaron Graves (guitar), Jay Killa (keyboards), Alexander Rogue (bass), David Darko (drums).  But I persevered against better judgment until I came across this picture:

Fuck me.  I don't need to tell you that their music is completely unoriginal and offensive to the ears.  But that's OK.  There's always going to be lame bands that labels package to cash in on the latest trends.  Who can blame them for exploiting the inherent naivete of your average teenage girl?  In my youth, I know I did.  Or at least tried to.  But the horror of it all was that I found this picture on the website of their label:  Century Media.  A local record company that is and has been the home of many great bands over the years, and proudly displays this mission statement for all to see:  

In the past 20 years Century Media has not only revolutionized Heavy Metal by working with some of the scene's greatest musicians but also in the way that labels operate. CM has stood firmly by the ups and downs of continually changing economic and political market places and more directly shifting tides in consumer tastes and always standing strong and holding the banner for a valuable art form and means of expression. Always at the forefront with an active role in emerging stylistic nuances CM has truly shattered the barriers and exemplified diversity in extremes while remaining rooted in the underground.

And we're left to wonder: how do these talentless kids fit into that masterplan?  Is this band an example of how Century Media stands firmly in a down economy?  I don't think so.  It's a sell out, pure and simple.  And I'm sure VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE is not the only example on the roster, but I don't have the stomach to find out.  If you want to call yourself an underground label, act like it.  Until then, at least be honest with us.